In our own home, bathrooms are both a blessing and a burden. I can say, from experience as a mother, there have been many times when I have yearned for the solitude and sanctuary of a hot bath but instead have found that the drain is completely clogged with hair and fuzz and slime and, is that LEGO? How did they ever get LEGO that far down the…? 

Or have you ever been at a special event, maybe at a fancy restaurant, hall, or someone’s house? You’re all dressed up, got your high heel shoes on and everything. You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and, upon completing your “task,” you flush the toilet and instantly realize something is not right. To your horror, instead of the water going down the drain, it starts to come back up! I’m not saying it was your fault, nobody needs the details, but – Oh Lord have mercy! How I have interceded wholeheartedly in a moment like that!

Whether it’s the sink or the tub or the shower or the...well, you get the idea, when one of those vital drains is backed-up nothing in your home will be at rest until it gets cleared-up! And our lives aren’t much different. The events of life flow through us every day: Relationships, conversations, news headlines, work, responsibilities, joys, sorrows, wars, and wins. It is a constant stream. But when something starts to clog the pipes and drains of our conscious and subconscious lives, then our very existence can become more of a burden than a blessing. 

So, let’s look at one major thing that clogs our drains: Unforgiveness. 

It’s like the worst hairball of drain pluggers. Sometimes it’s a build-up of hairs over time. That secret your sister told everyone about you in school, the co-worker who keeps disrespecting you at work, an old bully from your neighbourhood, a constant criticism from a parent, regret you relive and scold yourself about over and over again.

Then there are the times (like when your hubby shaves after weeks of participating in “Movember”): One big hit of hair that’s too much for the drain to handle. Those kinds of clogs come from a time when trust was broken, words and actions wounded too deep, mistakes were made that you feel you will pay for for the rest of your life.

As all the extras of everyday life start to get caught up in that tangled mess – a toenail here, some belly button lint there – a waiter gets your order wrong, somebody cuts you off in traffic – it gets stuck. You get stuck. The faucet of life keeps pouring out its water, but it can’t get through. It just gets deeper and deeper.

And like ignored clogged drains, it starts to smell. 

Anger. Guilt. Blame. Shame. Insecurity. Stress. Fear of failure. Fear of trusting others. Why does this always happen to me? Of course, this always happens to me…

For me, my clogged drains reeked with shame. I struggled with always feeling not good enough, not fitting in, that I was more of a burden on people than a blessing. I felt responsible for everything that was wrong in the world and could never forgive myself for it. And the shame brought fear of what everyone else would do if they found out was crippling.

One of the biggest problems with shame, though, is that you’re too ashamed to admit you struggle with it! For as long as I remember, even as a child, I was afraid to tell anyone or even show a hint of the shame that was holding me back, telling me that, not only was I going to fail, I was going to bring others down with me. The lie of shame told me that if I even whispered to anyone that it was hiding there; it would burst out and reveal all my worst secrets to the world. All my fears of rejection would be confirmed, and I would instantly be forever labeled as a fraud and a waste of time. Phew!

You know, it’s exhausting trying to ignore a hairball like that! I mean, this wasn’t just a clogged drain for me, this was wreaking havoc on all the plumbing! But when I gave my life to Christ, things changed. At first, my shame panicked. It went into all out survival mode. It ran me through the ringer Monday to Saturday and then squeezed my into a shiny, tiny cage of “keeping up the Christian appearances” on Sunday morning. And it constantly held me at gun point: “If you tell anyone about me…”

My breaking point came in my early 20s. I finally said to the Lord, “I can’t take it anymore! If you are different, different than anything I’ve ever known or heard of – please help me!” A couple of weeks later, I met a Christian friend who shared with me about the pain and grief of losing her father to cancer. I had lost my mother not even a year before but had barely told anyone because shame convinced me that it would only bring others down because I thought I should be over it by now, nobody cares.

Over the next few months, through various devotions, books, and speakers, the Word of God began to show me how He was not the one to condemn, but to heal. Not only did His love forgive and rebuild, but the Holy Spirit began to lead me into deeper forgiveness of myself and others and rebuild relationships.

Over the next few years, Jesus, in His gentleness, led me to those I could confide in: Dear Christian sisters, trained professionals, even my husband (*insert shocked emoji face here*)! And when they responded with the grace that I had never given myself, the love I had never allowed myself, and the truth of God that I had never believed for myself, I began to see God in a new light. If these people could show me that, how much more was my perfect Heavenly Father trying to? 

As the Holy Spirit directed me to confess and receive God’s forgiveness, and empowered me to forgive myself and others, my shame began to break up into little pieces. Living Water was able to flow, and I began to see big changes in my life. I stepped up into ministry, I reached out in relationships, I became bold in asking for forgiveness from others and relying on Jesus to help me truly forgive others. 

There were times when I wanted to just settle or make excuses for not fully embracing and exhibiting forgiveness. I could look at many incidents in my life, encounters that had fed my shame and condoned my insecurities. Those hairballs in my life were a part of me now, I told myself. There were even medical and psychological terms that justified them. Instead of unclogging my drains, I was happy to just hang a sign on the door: “Out of Order.”  

Remember the woman at the well in in John 4? Now there was a woman with some serious drain issues! She was an outcast among outcasts. In a community of people that were already considered ignoble, she was seen by them as even lower. She had a “reputation” and it was no secret. She avoided contact with everyone, making trips to the village well when no one else would be there. If there was someone there, well, the shields went up and the guns came out! She knew what they were thinking, what they saw when they looked at her, about what she had done… what she was. Every single unforgiven moment in her life gathered up in one massive, festering lump inside of her. Even if someone simply asked for a drink of water, she became instantly suspicious of their true intentions. Why would anyone want to talk to her? But instead of more condemnation, Jesus helped her clear the clogs and let Living Water in.

Whether the hairball has to be pulled out strand by strand, or flushed through with a plunger, it can’t stay where it is! There are some things Jesus wants us to let go and move on, other things that need to be brought up and dealt with.

To Him, you are not “Out of Order.” He wants to take that sign down and show you a life that is flowing with Living Water. Sure, things will still get thrown at us that shouldn’t be flushed down a drain, but we have a filter now – and that changes everything.